Blog.

Noah told me this.

“Cute girls go to yoga.” -Noah Steinle >>>> People always want to know about Noah.  I get it–I’m the same way. Last night we went to yoga (Noah and I.) Then we went to dinner (pho.) Then HEB (groceries.) Seven months sober is my son. (I’ve said this before.) That could be scary. And–it is…
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Ringing in Today

January one 2019 I went to retrieve the trash cans off the curb, they’d been there a week and a half. I think I missed the trash guy last week, trash day falling on Christmas Eve. Dragging them behind me, I walked down the hill to my house. Halfway mid-walk I stopped. Something caught me.…
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Summer Update

“Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the flood gates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” -Malachi 3:10 I went trail running in Oregon with Josiah. This picture was taken in Bend. It was amazing.…
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Mother Heart

I am a voice calling in the wilderness. A mother crying out for her son. Crying out for her own heart because it’s webbed with another. A true heart is happiest when all hearts are happy. My heart meshed with his. I am Mother Heart for all mothers everywhere who cry for their babies. Not…
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New Website for Noah Strong

click here https://shelleysteinleydesign.com/noah-strong-foundation/ I’m going to get on Amplify Austin. I’ll create my own if I can’t get on this year. March 1 and 2 are Amplify Austin days. Please stay tuned to see how you can give. xo S.
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Seek Genius

Genius is found when we understand that we’re spirit connected to God. All power is from above and granted to us with grace. We grab hold of this power to generate our lives. I go in spurts, I’m all or nothing. It’s how I am. I can’t remember if I told you about the Foundation,…
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Pick Me.

I’ve always raised my hand before I know the answer. >>> Thirteen years ago I had a dream I was in Physics class. Physics, the study of life, the only class I couldn’t get an A in, no matter how I tried. In my dream, my teacher asked for a volunteer to do an experiment.…
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like son like mother

“Mom, did you ASK Noah if you could get that tattoo? -Anna Rose >>>>>> Dusty, Noah’s tattoo artist said this was the smallest I should go. Over time, fine lines melt, becoming mush. Listen to the artist working on you or for you. Knowing best their craft, trust to receive the perfect outcome. A lots happened…….…
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and I remember

Two weeks from today I go to Tracey’s Place of Hope. Built on love and giving, Tracey’s Place of Hope houses girls ages 13-17 that come from addiction, sex crimes, and violence. Founders, Fred and Angela Biletnikoff, decided to change lives when their world crashed. Snatched too early, their daughter Tracey was murdered while in…
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Lead a Colorful Existence

“When the voice and the vision on the inside are more profound, more clear and loud than the opinions on the outside, you’ve mastered your life.”  -Dr. John Demartini   This is my new site www.shelleysteinley.com check it out. xo Abigail went back to treatment yesterday! I stand amazed at being used to give love and…
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Albatross

I’m a different person than I was 10 days ago, a better person. I swam, biked and ran a race for a girl named Abigail. It changed my life. Spirit directed, I listen. 10 days ago,  5am, I was driving to the lake to run when this thought catapulted my brain–I should do my race…
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Rock Life

  “Looking behind I am filled with gratitude. Looking forward I am filled with vision. Looking upward I am filled with strength. Looking inward I discover peace. ” — APACHE PRAYER When I was eleven years old, I said I wanted to live in Oregon. Never stepping foot in the state my parents, brother and I…
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100 Days

“Decide what to be and go be it.”— AVETT BROTHERS  Yesterday marked 100 days sobriety for my son. I write from a heart of gratitude. Gratitude for today. Gratitude that God chose to save him. Gratitude that he chose to be saved and has enough respect for himself to choose sobriety. He decides, the Universe makes…
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Be Bold

Be bold in all you do. Ask/pray/believe that what you have asked for has already happened. Don’t WAIT for it to happen, like an outside source has to deliver it to you. Act as if it already exists because in the Infinite Mind, it does. The only reason it takes longer to receive what you…
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On the Lookout

Three months since I’d seen my son, we parked at the outpatient facility and I got Finner out of the car. We’d just rounded the back of our rental vehicle, when I saw my him hastening our way. He’d been watching, waiting, on the lookout. Finner, walking me instead of me him, was out front,…
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Follow Your Own Heart

  “The good news is the moment you decide that what you have learned is more important than what you have been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance. Success comes from within not from without”— Ralph Waldo Emerson It was 2003. Randy and I had flown from Geneva,…
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giving good and Noah

  I missed writing last week. I’m moving, creating a new website, trying to sell everything I own so I don’t have to move it, and working. It’s never dull. I went running. My brain running alongside my legs, I processed a FB post I saw earlier. Why are people so quick to judge? We…
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My little hideaway

  I’m in New York City at my older son’s 750 square foot, one bathroom apartment. Waking before everyone else–my son, his wife, three other roommates, I yearn for quiet, nature.  Contorting body, I climb up, over the desk that blocks the window I’ve unlatched, opened. Scrunching down on the desk, backpack in place, phone stuffed…
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and Rainbows

  I learned something today. I mean I probably knew it already but I needed reminding. Giving thanks on the glider with coffee, this thought tapped my mind. When you worry it’s the opposite of giving thanks. Wow. Instead of being grateful for the money you have you worry about the money you don’t have. The…
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Noah oh my Noah update

  People are asking so I’m writing. Noah is alive (As I write. I never know for sure since my blog gets to you 24 hours after I write it, but as far as I know right now August 7, 2017 10:25 am… he’s alive) He’s at a sober living facility, and has been there since July…
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Watching Nature

  Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Today I saw a hummingbird. She hummed in and winged mid-air on my patio while I sat on my glider, Finn alongside. In the quiet hours of the morning as I spoke my intentions, affirmations, love, she presented herself. Hummingbird– able…
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memories

Memories, plain when they happen, are grand when they return. If we could see each moment spectacular while we were living it, we wouldn’t have to wait for the memory to remind us of its greatness.  Peel back the layers of plain, to find the ripe fruit of living in the moment. Endless trips to the…
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Be like Finner

Finner and I were bored so we went to District, where it’s happy hour all day. Raining earlier, the temperature dropped making it bearable (novel) in Texas. My booth of choice, the corner picnic table, Finner makes friends with the wait staff, getting a bowl of water poured from a carafe (seriously),  a pat, and…
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finding greatness. Within.

I realized that I was doubting, Noah. I was still looking at him, formulating my opinions on what would happen, based on him. What if he relapses? His ungratefulness, stealing shoes, smoking, I was looking at his attitude, instead of at mine. I ran the trail Friday, Finn alongside. We’d just started, not fifty feet…
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for st Christopher

Writing all day, I went to the pool for a break. My girlfriend, “Just come for a little.” I listened. Meeting new friends in my community, one caught my attention. Not for his charm, his handsomeness, his personality, but for his necklace. St. Christopher around his neck, I inquired. “I never take it off.” He…
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My bird of Hope

I’m choosing hope every day.  If my mind goes negative, “What if he dies?” I force myself, “Think positive,” Today he’s alive, Thank you.” I sit on my porch glider first thing. Over coffee with my gratitude list, I speak affirmations to my backyard, the trees my audience. Today Pip, the cardinal, showed up. My bird of hope.…
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Life Love and Noah

I’m writing a memoir. It’s called Hold On For Your Life.  Too long since I’ve blogged,  I’m setting a goal to blog once a week to catch you up on life, love and Noah. I just got back from Costa Rica, a 70.3, half-ironman. It was amazing, mostly, because the people were gracious, their land, beautiful. I…
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April 4 2017

So much has happened I don’t know where to start. Noah has been in and out of rehab three times since two open heart surgeries less than a month ago. Someone needs to invent human glue. We brought him to the Ranch rehab after his second surgery, much to his dismay. He tried to get…
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today xo

Today I go to Houston, to visit Noah. He’s been at rehab for 12 days. Please pray that he will stay. Pray he wants healing, that he will seek recovery, and call out to his higher power for help. I don’t know how he’s doing. His counselor called two days ago. I’m struggling, because I…
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thank you xo

A lot has happened. Noah is at another rehab. He’s been there five days. Short of a week after Noah’s second surgery, my mother went into the ER, getting a double bypass three days later. Same hospital. Same surgeon. Same floor. Room to room I went, an imaginary rut formed down the hall. Everyday at the…
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A day on the journey continued…

“Can you come over?” I ask Celeste and Alana. No hesitation, they are on my vintage velvet couch rescued from the curb. I don Finn’s dog bed, alongside Finn. Grown women, best friends, adapting to my drug addict’s choices, we live. The phone rings. On speaker because I can’t understand him, I look to my friends.…
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Tomorrow

I couldn’t fight the feeling that he was faking it, the whole day, a raincloud of not wanting to go back to rehab. Legs outstretched on my brown leather couch, “My back hurts. My shoulders hurt. It feels like before I went to the ER the last time, but not as bad. I don’t even feel good…
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Second time round

“Pizza isn’t on the heart-healthy menu, is it? -Noah Steinle ordering dinner the night before his second open heart surgery” As soon as he walked in the room I knew something was wrong. Why are you so grumpy? I asked him. “I’m not grumpy.” he said, slouching in the chair. We’d gone to pick him…
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halt the silence

  The beast waits in the shadows salivating for blood. Another life taken. Heroin is becoming an epidemic, a crisis against our children.  No longer can I stand by and watch it ambush our babies. War. This is what we should fight for, our children, our future, them, not each other. Adults pointing fingers and…
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a day on the journey

“You don’t attract what you want. Wants are intellectual in nature. Wants are in your conscious mind. You attract what you are in harmony with, what you are. -Bob Proctor” Showering under the garden hose in my client’s backyard, I scrubbed the popcorn ceiling off my legs. Normally I don’t work Sundays, but they were…
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The pipeline of life

Today Noah goes back to rehab. Everyone always tells me,” Well at least you can sleep better now because you know where he is.” It’s not like that. I always wonder when I’ll ever, if ever, stop wondering. If he’s sober a year, or six years, can I breathe then? I don’t know. The last…
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the lunch box

“Noah’s mom, Noah’s mom!” said the boy sitting across from me at the kindergarten lunch table. “Do you want to see me be a turtle?” Pulling the back of his shirt over his head, his neck disappeared leaving his face to peek out. “Let’s all be turtles!” I exclaimed, encouraging the entire table to abort…
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I choose you

Paranoid I’d love the cat more than my first born, I paced the house during labor, my mother two inches behind rubbing my back, promising me I wouldn’t. I didn’t even like kids. Babysitting twice in high school, once college overnighting for a clan of five, I forbade myself to ever make that mistake. Not…
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Thank you xoxo

“To laugh often and love much; To win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children, to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others, to give of oneself. To leave the world a bit better whether by a…
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Phenomenon on Commerce

“Rumbling within the addict, the tsunami forms. Onlookers watch in horror, as the torrential disease engulfs its chosen. –s. steinley” I decided to hit up San Jacinto once more before crashing at the Marriott. A 60-year old officer sat behind the desk, more intent on work than me. “Hi, are you open?” I blurted, patience not…
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Nothing happens fast

Nominated ‘cutest smile’ in high school, I went to church, didn’t swear, obeyed my parents and was only grounded once for seeing an R-rated movie. First born, I wondered if I was too good, too blonde, too smiley or too happy. Fast forward four kids later and I’m downtown Houston wearing bright green running shorts…
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That’s gonna leave a scar

“This is Harris County Correctional Facility” said the automated voice. It was 5 am. I’d been awakened by the thunderstorm, and after a brief text to a teammate reminding him that swim was canceled, I saw the 877 number coming in on my phone. “I should probably answer that” I said to myself. The millisecond…
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back up couch

There are six phones and a Gucci purse on my sofa table. This explains why I have half a dozen numbers for him in my phone. Noah. Noah James. Noah New Phone. Noah called on this. Noah new 512. He was currently using the Noah called on this number. I’d assigned him the couch, second…
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open heart day

  “For I know the plans that I have for you today, plans to prosper you and not to harm you Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11” When Noah was three years old, I had a dream that he died. He was 19. I was standing in line in some…
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woods of addiction

Five minutes passed. I couldn’t take the torment any longer. Down the stairs two, three, a section at a time, I bolted. Reaching the parking lot, I panned left, right, craze filled my eyes, overflowing their sockets. Wiping mucus on the back of my hand, I flew into the greenbelt. I was a mad woman…
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eye of the storm

Every mother’s greatest fear visited me that morning.  I bound through the house and out the back door, kneeling at his side, I held my breath until his chest rose. Exhaling, I shook him awake. Noah had been going to an out-patient rehab facility in Austin for the the last 2 months. He hated it.…
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starting line of life

  “Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves. -Robert Frost” The starting line of life resembles a race. There’s so much to do before you get there.  The race wave starts at 8am but the alarm goes off at 3, I eat toast with peanut butter, a banana and half…
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a random morning in the life of an addict

  I saw his body through the window the minute I entered the house. Draped over the back deck half on, half off, face down in his own vomit.   It was a Thursday. I remember, because I swim on Thursdays.  I’d been up fifteen minutes when they’d waltzed in, too cheery for 5 am. “Hi…
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a Mother’s prayer

“Be at rest once more o my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. -Psalm 116:7” Oh God of heaven and earth save my son.  He is amazing. He is caring, loving and sensitive. He opens the doors for old ladies and says ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no sir’. He is handsome. He is funny.…
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The little things of life.

“When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well, with my soul” January 24, 2017 I went running today.  It’s the only thing I know how to do when I don’t know what to do.…
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Bittersweet life

Today I spent the day in the hospital for my son Noah. I blink back years and remember the dog bite and twenty-five stitches on his face. I’m wondering if that was a sign from the Universe giving me a hint on the destiny of my son. Somehow, I missed the memo.  At nineteen, he’s facing…
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