I am a voice calling in the wilderness. A mother crying out for her son. Crying out for her own heart because it’s webbed with another. A true heart is happiest when all hearts are happy. My heart meshed with his. I am Mother Heart for all mothers everywhere who cry for their babies. Not understanding the love of a mother until I became one, your heart is never whole until they are okay. You try and set them on a shelf in your mind, heart, but the hole is there. You fix your stare, your attention elsewhere but you are only fooling yourself, because a piece of your heart is gone. And how do you repair it? How do you fix it when they are still using, calling only to use your couch. How do you disassociate? What works for some doesn’t work for all. I can’t sit in a dingy room with used couches and people who are sad. I don’t want to be sad. I want to be happy. I want to run, be by the ocean, jump, smile and climb rocks. Use my solar plexus. I want to breathe in the outdoors, see the trees, and be webbed in the mountains. I want to explore new cities, and have life. So the only way to do this, is to go on. Find my way through the quagmire. Because like I said before, There Is No Road, I have to cut it as I go. No path. I can’t see. I listen to my heart. It’s always right. Every mistake is not truly a mistake because I learn and get better. Developing callouses on my body, I keep my mind and heart supple. I’m here on this earth to make the world a better place and I can’t do that if I’m constantly miserable. To become the best you can be is the goal. Not here for him alone, I have other children. All children, those who suffer this disease, and those who are free. I want all to know their greatness, to seek the Genius within.
I am Mother, Sister, Friend. I create myself and let him create him. Love the good in him. See the Light, even when I have to squint. Love the true him. Not focusing on the disease, it’s so hard, but I can do it. I know I can. Day by day. Wake up and make the coffee. Write. Go running. Meet a friend. Do fun. Do what I love. Ride a horse. Create a business. Go on. He doesn’t need me to survive. He needs God, within finding the power he’s been given but doesn’t know he has. He won’t learn from me telling him, he learns from God telling him, on his own schedule, from watching and learning, from me letting go, trusting. I pray and ask for direction, daily for me, for him, for all. I send love and hope and energy. I believe.